...But, Then, I Drink

Crown Royal and Seagram's ginger ale was my drink of choice when I sat down to write this morning.

I got to thinking that I should pass on a tip for those who don't usually partake, but find themselves with a drink in their hand over the next couple of weeks.

In this case, it's ginger ale ice cubes with whiskey. I also like Coca-Cola ice cubes with rum.

What I like to do is fill a tall glass with ginger ale ice cubes and then pour the whiskey over them. It makes for a good sipping drink while I'm writing.

Ginger ale ice cubes seem to freeze faster than regular ice cubes. Looking at the two side-by-side you can see there's a difference in their consistency.


Cheers!

It Had Been A Long Time Since I Beat A Redneck Senseless

St. Patrick's Day is one of my favorite holidays.

Saturday night I went out with The Master Baiter and Spear Chucker to get a head start and didn't roll back in until this morning.

Spear Chucker had my copy of Kingdom of Fear, that I mentioned recently I was going to "borrow" now that I'm finished with Fear And Loathing In America.

He's another friend that I've had since college (at UPM). He picked up the name Spear Chucker partially because the African American surgeon in M*A*S*H had that name, but moreso because he went to school on a track and field scholarship and threw the javelin.

It's always an adventure visiting Spear Chucker because he's an urban farmer and stays on top of the latest and greatest methods to maximize both yield and quality in a confined space.

We were at his place sampling the latest crop for a few hours then headed out to a bar.

We'd been drinking Irish Car Bombs for a few hours, in the back room, when, at one point, I pulled out a fat, tight one. Spear Chucker had come up with a hybrid that was the most beautiful shades of green and gold with burgandy hairs running through it.

I'm puffing on it when this redneck walks over to the table. He says to me, We don't like your kind here, hippy. Take your mar-a-jew-juan-a and your nigger friend and get out.

Speak Chucker looks at me and says, Did he call you a hippy? I took a long draw on the joint, then flicked ashes on the floor. I said to The Master Baiter, did he call you a nigger? He, in turn, says to the redneck, Did you call me a nigger?

Don't make me tell you again, the red neck says to me.

No need for that, I told him, you've said enough. I motioned to his six friends standing in the doorway. Are they with you?, I asked him as I was getting up.

Damn straight, he said.

It was at that point I kneed him in the nuts and dropped him with a good right hand to the chin.

Two County Sheriff's deputies came right about the time we finished beating the living shit out of the seven of them. It felt good, especially, to give the loudmouth a good stomping.

The only person better than your attorney to have by your side in a bar fight is a black belt. Spear Chucker's specialty is TaeKwon-Do.

The Master Baiter talked for awhile off in a corner with the deputies. I told the pigfuckers, knowing the deputies were in earshot, that if they had anything else to say to me or my nigger friend the next beating we gave them wouldn't be so mild.

All seven of them were a bloody mess; none of them had much to say to the deputies. It doesn't look like there's anything we can do, the lead deputy said, and advised us to take a cab home.

They had a good laugh when I said we'd taken a cab there to avoid having any problems.

The other thing they advised us was to take care of the bar owner so there wasn't any trouble. The Mater Baiter is friends with the owner; he wrote him a good check and all was well when we headed out.

Those Were The Days My Friend

Photograph by Kilroy_60
Watching John Mellencamp get inducted in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame got me to thinking about Weever.

If Weever ever could have been a rock and roller he would have come out of the same cracked mold that produced Mellencamp. As it turned out, the closest he came was putting together a backup band when I played Elwood Blues to Biff's Joliet Jake to win a talent show put on for charity.

Amazing what Jack Daniels, a handful of quaaludes and an ounce of Panama Red can get you to do.

We hatched that plan one day when we were taking a bus from downtown Pittsburgh to Beaver Falls to pick up Weever's car. From there it was four days on the road hitting spots in Morgantown, West Virgina, Winchester, Virginia, Frederick, Maryland, Waynesburg, Pennsylvania.

When you're young, have what seems like too much money in your pocket, are horny and can get behind the wheel of a hot car what else is there to say? Sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll ruled the weekend! With an added kick in the ass from a jug of West Virginia white lightning!!

...Funny, eh, some things don't change.

Screw You! You can go straight to...Purgatory?

Do you ever notice that Heaven and Hell get alot of press, but you rarely ever hear anything about Purgatory? As for Limbo, people are more likely to think of a dance than a place or a state of being.

I can't help but wonder, is it worse to be told to go to Hell or Purgatory?

There was a comic strip I saw years ago that comes to mind every now and then. It took a position that for one person Hell could be sitting in an airport terminal waiting for a plane that never comes in. I wonder if it's possible that what's Heaven and Hell is the same for everyone or if it's personalized.

This is the point where in a movie the picture goes wavey and we're transported to a scene where a person is about to die and the answer to my question is revealed. Life ain't the movies though and we don't find out the answer until the final bell tolls.

There is one thing for sure. Here today and gone tomorrow doesn't exist. You're here one second and gone the next. So make the most of it while you have the chance.

Cheers!

I Woke Up This Morning...In South Park!!

When I woke up this morning, I had a feeling there was something wrong. But, I couldn't put my finger on it.

I was drinking Jack Daniels and smoking Maui Wowie late into the night with TheMasterBaiter. That might have had something to do with it. It seemed to be more than the normal WTF Happened Last Night kind of hangover, though.

Then it hit me...
I was in an episode of South Park!!

What Was To Be At 6:02 AM Turned Out Naught At 8:41 AM

I was invited about two months ago to submit a post to Blog Village News as part of the "Feature Blogger" program.

Things have been such that the "must dos" and "need tos" have superceded the "want tos". Ultimately, if you wait to find time the "want tos" never get done. A person must always make time for the things they desire and feel are important to do.

Without any promise this was worth waiting for, I give you:

Kilroy_60, A Blog Village "Featured Blogger"

Wears Sunglasses At Night

1. In the Gonzo! spirit, you can expect an approach to blogging which blurs the distinctions between author and subject while merging fiction and nonfiction.
2. My occupation is best listed as: Explorer/Spiritualist/Writer/Consultant/Photographer.
3. I think the duckbill platypus reflects God's sense of humor; it's my favorite animal.
4. My favorite form of transportation is hot air balloon. The second is walking.
5. I like to imagine what it would be like hitting the road with The Traveling Wilburys; the Wilbury brothers, not the band.
6. In my home office - a.k.a. The Writer's Nook - I have prints of M.C. Escher's Reptiles and Ansel Adams' Redwoods.
7. I think that fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers are among the best in all of sports. Pittsburgh is a drinking town with a football problem.
8. People with whom I wish I could have shared time are Thomas Edison, Pope John Paul II, Leonardo da Vinci, Mohandas K. Gandhi, Babe Ruth, Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm Forbes.
9. I believe it is ridiculous that marijuana is illegal and tobacco is not. An ice cold Heineken, to me, is something to savor.
10. I prefer to give gifts when I choose. I don't give them at times or on days when they would be "expected".
11. Golf, I think, more than any other sport replicates life. Hitting a perfect golf shot, to me, is joyous.
12. I've remained close friends with my college roommate, who is a psychiatrist and an attorney, for more than 20 years. He's a championship fisherman in Canada who is known among friends as The Master Baiter.
13. 13 is my lucky number.
14. Going into space is something I would love to do; I don't see in my future.
15. I frequently publish blog posts and comments with typographical errors. In my work I have a problem striving for ever unattainable perfection...so this seems to be a "release" from that self imposed pressure. I expect that bloggers and blog readers are accustomed to reading tyopese.
16. I love sunrises, but more frequently see sunsets. I am fascinated by clouds.
17. My preference for journaling is pen and paper {specifically legal pads} instead of the computer. When I find a pen I like I tend to use it until it can write no more.
18. I think racists and homophobes are people with troubled minds and that that is no excuse for their behavior. I've had to kick some hillbilly rednecks asses for talking about me hanging out with "niggers". I don't put up with that shit.
19. My approach to politics - as with most of life - is one of independence; not influenced by the agendas of political parties. I very much want to see a change in the way we deal with governmental affairs in the United States. And the way we - the people - deal with politicians.
20. I think the sports memorabilia industry has fractured the relationship between athletes and fans. Cheaters - like Barry Bonds - have no place in the games let alone in Halls of Fame.
21. The things I've most recently added to my shadow boxes are a golf ball I bought, a shot glass I stole and an "Office God" desk topper I was given as a gift - Hernia, the guardian goddess of job satisfaction, saves you from burnout!"
22. The last book I bought was Politically Correct Bedtime Stories by James Finn Garner; the last book I was given, Walking with Grandfather - The Wisdom of Lakota Elders.
23. When I visit the grave of my loved one I leave photographs wrapped in plastic and a handful of pebbles.
24. I am amazed every time I visit one of Frank Lloyd Wright's buildings.
25. I accept no responsibility for your spontaneous anger, personal outrage, blurred vision, headaches or any Post Traumatic Stress Disorder you may experience related to your visit to The Gonzo Papers.
26. I believe men should recognize and value aspects of a female as a lady and as a women. I feel they each should be respected, nurtured and fed appropriately.
27. The reason I blog is that I feel it is an educational forum where I have opportunities to both learn and teach.
28. I don't "explain"; I will though "elaborate" when answering a question if it is what I choose to do.
29. There are 29 items in this list because I am a Leap Year baby.

And with delay, comes lost opportunity. It turns out that there was a post that didn't work out as hoped, which caused delay of another posting and my feature would now be sitting in a que.

I can't make time to do something and then have it sit collecting dust or growing moss. So, I'll check into other publishers and submit this later today.

Post written at 6:02 AM
Updated at 8:41 AM

I Was "Interviewed" Today...Via Email

I responded to a request today for an email interview. This is it...

On 12/26/06, matt clarke wrote:

Hi I like your site.

I write a comedy blog. I wondered if you wanted to take part in an interview to highlight your site.

My site is
http://www.mrjoeblogs.blogspot.com/
The questions are as follows :

Name : Kilroy_60
Age : Old enough to know better, Too young to care
Location : The Writer's Nook
Vocation : Consultant
Philosophy : Live Passionately.

Sum up what your blog is about for us. The Gonzo Papers is written in the spirit of Hunter S. Thompson. The human condition is examined, there is exploration of that which lurks in the shadows and a point of view is expressed without apology.

Why are you doing your blog? Education requires an exchange of ideas. Blogging provides me with a forum to both learn and teach.

How much would you sell your blog for? How much is your soul worth?

Please include any picture you want use to use in the article I have attached what I think is a classic picture of The Good Doctor. I regularly publish my original photography in the blog; there is not one photograph I could select from the collection.

Tell us a random funny story that comes to mind I'm having CRS symptoms today; I'll have to get back to you on this one.

Are there any blogs, you enjoy reading? Yes.

Whats the funniest entry on your blog? I write them; I don't judge them.

What is your writing style? Gonzo!

Why should someone visit your site? It is an open door to expand knowledge, to explore possibilities and to experience the beauty that is life.

What do people commonly say about your site? That would depend on what people you ask.

If you could recommend one website, what would it be and explain why (can't be your own website!) www.1ForYourSuccess.blogspot.com - For Your Success is about making a positive difference in the world.

Tell us just one of your favourite actors, actress's, film, song, and
comedian(up to you if u want to explain why) Jack Nicholson; Jane Fonda; The Out of Towners with Jack Lemmon and Sandy Dennis; Alice's Restaurant; Richard Pryor {I don't explain.}

Tell us a joke What is the ultimate question for a dyslexic agnostic?

What would you wish for with 3 wishes? 1. One more day with her, being happy. 2. Long lives, good health and much happiness for my family and friends. 3. To be a better person tomorrow than I am today.

Your site address : www.KilroyTheGonzoPapers.blogspot.com
Kind regards
Matt

Thank you for your interest.
Cheers!
Kilroy_60

I'm Comfortable Whether I'm On The Top Or The Bottom 8-)

Looking over Pay Per Post opportunities tonight, I ran across a website featuring loft beds. My thoughts immediately went back to the times I lived in the fraternity house at UPM.

The first semester I transferred to UPM I got the last spot in the house. TheHammer was none too happy; he thought he was going to have a room to himself. It didn't get any better when I came in with a bong. A new headshop had opened in town and they were offering a discount with a student ID! What worked well for us was that TheHammer drank {to excesss}. And I was able to hook up a small light so I could smoke in bed at night without bothering him. I mean I could read at night...you know, to study for class. 8-)

The second time I lived in the house things took an interesting turn. We had a party every Monday night. My roomate, TheChief, and I met roommates the first week who lived in a coed dorm. By the time September had come and gone he was living in the dorm and TheItalianGoddess was living in the house. It worked out especially well because we took out the bottom bunk, slept on top where we had more privacy and used the space underneath for storage.

Needless to say, none of the beds in the house looked like this one featured in the website...

Thank You, Sir... May I Have Another?

"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." - Oscar Levant

There is a restaurant/bar where I took dates for years, especially first dates. It was fancy enough to impress, but not too much to be intimidating.

I should say here that I always tip. I make my choices based on the performance of the bartender or server. There's no standard 15 or 20%. I've tipped more than 50% - even 100% - and I've tipped a penny. To the degree they show they're interested, function in a way that makes me believe they enjoy their job and are attentive to my needs I tip accordingly. One thing that always scores big with me is keeping my waterglass filled.

So, one night I was meeting TheArtist for drinks. It was the first time we ever got together other than for lunch with a client for whom we were both working on a project. I arrived early and thought I'd order one before she got there.

I found a seat in the corner where I had a view of the bar and the door. I find it interesting to watch people, like a fly on the wall. The server was a sweet thing with a ready smile. I asked for a Labatt's Blue, a tall glass of ice water and five or six lime wedges.

She came back with the beer, the water and a small bowl with three thin lime slices. She told me that she would have to charge me if I wanted more. I asked her if I heard correctly that she would have to charge me for limes. She said, yes. I told her I'd never paid for limes there before; she said she could only give me three without charging me.

She came back when she saw I poured the last of the beer in my glass. I asked her for another, to fill my water and to bring me some more limes. She reminded me I'd have to pay for them. I suggested she ask her manager about that. She came back with the water pitcher and said, yes, if I wanted more limes I'd have to pay for them.

At this point, I wanted to make sure there was no question in anyone's mind. Are you saying that I have to pay for them, I asked, or did the manager say I can only have three without paying for them? She said the manager said if I wanted more than three that I'd have to pay. I asked her to tell her manager that I would be getting more limes and I would not be paying for them. I also asked her to be sure to tell the manager he would be cutting the lime for me.

Back she came with my beer. The manager said if you want more limes you'll have to pay for them, she said. That was it. I asked her to go and get the pitcher to refill my glass with water. And when she came back, I told her, I wanted the name and telephone number for the general manager, the franchisee and the president of the corporation. I also told her that if the manager refused to give her the names and telephone numbers I would find them out and complain that he would not give them to me.

She came back and said that the manager said he didn't think there was a need to get the franchisee involved. I asked where the names and telephone numbers were. She said he was getting them for me. Just then the manager came out and asked what the problem was. I asked where the telephone numbers were. He started telling me he didn't think... I said I know what you think; where are the telephone numbers? He pulled a slip of paper out of his pocket and handed it to me. It had the names and telephone numbers. He said he didn't know what the problem was that I thought I needed to talk to the manager or the franchisee.

I told the manager to have a seat. I went on to tell him how I had been bringing dates there for years. I told him that I ate lunch or dinner there, sometimes both, a few times a week. Sometimes more. I told him that I had never paid a penny for limes there or anywhere else. I was, let's say, a bit animated in my conversation. Then, I said...I'll tell you one more thing. I asked for lime wedges. I always ask for lime wedges. And what do I get? I picked up the one thin slice that was still in the bowl, lifted it up in front of his face and shook it so juice went on him. Slices, I said. Paper thin slices. Not wedges. And I never say a word about it! Now, I told him, I want you to go over there to the bar and cut up some lime wedges for me.

When he went to the bar the bartender, who knew me and heard our conversation, handed him a lime, a plate and a knife. He brought it over and cut the lime into wedges for me. Are we going to have anymore problems about paying for lime wedges? I asked. He told me there wouldn't be any problem.

Perfect timing, TheArtist walked up to the table. Is there a problem, she asked. No, there's no problem, I told her. He thanked me for my business and told us to have a good evening. We were there for a few hours drinking; the next time I asked for limes the server brought out a whole bowl. TheArtist said something about them really liking me there.

There was no bill for drinks that night. The manager took care of it. I think he thought that would stop me from complaining. It didn't.

I never heard a word again about paying for limes when I went there. And the bartender always had wedges for me.

As for TheArtist... Those are stories for another time.

Photograph by Kilroy_60

Fear And Loathing In Academia

"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it." - Jane Wagner

I wonder now and then what it's like for people who attend school and focus on academics. I was fortunate to earn academic honours with studying being a peripheral endeavor.

My college experience was not conventional. I spent time at a small private college and a large state university. In fact, I shuttled between the two; spending a year or two at a time here and a semester or three there.

Joining a fraternity, with chapters at both schools, working for school newspapers and becoming involved in athletics added layers of intrigue. One year when I didn't attend classes I was as involved in campus life as I ever was as a student.

There was another year during which I did not attend classes that I lived in the fraternity house at one of the country's most well known universities and indulged in student activities. That's a chapter best left for future exploration.

My taste leaned toward the small school planted in the heart of the city. There is something special, though, about living in a "college town" that I would have hated to miss. It's interesting how the town and the school exist in a symbiotic relationship.

...This might be a good time to introduce the brothers in my pledge class: Weever, Biff, Sapling, Peanuts, Gilligan, Hoss and CoolCat {It was the fall semester of my sophomore year when I pledged; The Master Baiter, whom I previously wrote about, was my roommate.}

...I loved dating theatre and dance majors at Park College. {Never more than two at a time} My favorite little sister, though, was a photographer. At UPM, I favored education and nursing majors. My little sister there was a basketball player.

...CoolCat was taking an advertising class; the majority of his grade was going to come from a termpaper. It involved creating a product, generating a advertising budget - using ratesheets provided by the teacher - and producing the ads for print and broadcast media. A week before it was due, he asked if I'd help him. I agreed to work on the paper with him for an ounce and a case of Heineken. The night before it was due, we hit a few bars and burned through about a quarter ounce of sinsemilla. My product idea, Weefer - a legal marijuana substitute. Cool had another quarter stashed which got us through the night while I did the ads and most of the work on the budget. It was about 8:30 when we finished {for his 9 o'clock class}. There was less than $100 of the budget left unspent. When he got the "A" paper back, there was a comment; Great product!!

...When I went to UPM I took an American History class. I actually took it over three semesters. The first semester I got an Incomplete. The scond semester I did an assignment and took a test. I got another Incomplete. The third semester I wrote a paper on the historical background of a small town George Washington surveyed and later owned property. I ended up with a B in the class. Some years later I saw the professor on campus; I was somewhat surprised when he said he was happy to see me and talked about what a good student I was.

...I met LeadGuitar my first week at Park. I was shooting pinball in the student lounge; eating cheeseburgers and drinking chocolate milkshakes. He beat me three out of five. One of the games I won, I turned over the machine --- pop pop pop. He didn't lose very often; we became fast friends. He started recruiting me to pledge the next semester. As it turned out, the guy who lived across the hall, Potsie, was in the same fraternity. He was a film major. One night the three of us were watching footage he shot of a Neil Young concert. Neil got off the bus, walked over to Potsie and shook his hand! The first night LeadGuitar took me to Primanti Brothers we took a cab. He asked the driver if he ever drove any celebrities. He started naming off this one and that one. I couldn't believe it when he said he had a guy named Neil Young. It seemed he was too old to be making the name up; and not enough of an actor to be pretending. As he told it, Neil asked if he could drive the cab; the guy told him no. Neil kept asking; the guy told him no. Neil offered him $500. The guy told him he would lose his license if anyone saw he was not the one driving. All I wanna do is drive the cab, he said Neil told him. We had a good laugh over that one.

...When I was the sports editor for the school paper at UPM, I was going to interview the basketball coach to do a season preview. I took a quaalude before I went to do the interview. There was a walkway up to the gym; a wall started at the base only a few bricks high and rose to about 10 feet at the top. As I walked up to it, I didn't give any thought; for some reason at the last moment instead of going around I decided to jump over the wall. I almost made it, stumbled and went down on my hands. I popped back up and looked around. Nobody had seen me. I laughed at myself and went on to do the interview. It went very well.

...The second semester of my freshman year at Park, my favorite drink was lime vodka and ginger ale. I had a bar in my room built from two mini refrigerators, 2x4's and milkcrates. To maximize space in the freezer of one frig, I had trays of small round icecubes. I had a tankard I would fill with cubes, then lime vodka and then ginger ale. Invariably, there would be too much vodka...so I'd have to drink some and then add more ginger ale. {Yes, I know I should have put the vodka in last 8-) } A favorite hobby that semester was to play frisbee in the hall, me at one end and The Master Baiter at the other. We never hit anyone; athough now and then someone walking out of their room ducked back in, QUICKLY.

...A few of the brothers at Park had a band called Smithfield News; they played one or two nights a week at a bar in Market Square for about a year. One of the barmaids, who knew we were underage, told us to always come to her when we got to the bar. Once she started serving us we never got carded. {I'm not sure how that worked, but it made things easier than having to get someone's driver's license and memorize the information. In those days they didn't have pictures.} I was shooting pinball with one of the brothers - Big John - with the loser buying the Heinekens. We went through a case and a half and I never bought. Come the end of the night, LeadGuitar bought me a drink that had seven layers. I don't know what they called it, but it was a big hit. The barmaid was lighting matches behind it and people were looking at the layers, amazed how they stayed seperated. I walked over and threw it back; the only one I tasted was the grenadine which was the heaviest liquor at the bottom of the drink. I remember going outside afterward and telling Big John I was feeling fine. The next day he told me that when we got back to school and up to the room, he picked me up and threw me in bed...which I guessed explained why my shirt was torn. I remembered nothing after, I'm ok.

...There was a rule at Park that cases of beer were not allowed. Weever and I would walk across the Smithfield Street Bridge to a Budweiser distributor. We'd each buy a case and carry them back to school. {We went frequently so they were happy to give us beer signs too; they were great for my bar.} Before going in, we'd sit on the steps of Academic Hall and drink one beer out of each case; then we could take the beer through security. We also made frequent trips to The Peanut Shoppe where you could get freshly roasted nuts. Our rooms were next to each other. One Saturday we were sitting on the floor in the hall. The RA came and said we couldn't drink beer in the hall. Without a word or any hesitation we each reached around and put the beers in our rooms.

...About 10 years ago, Biff called me. His son was a senior at Cornell; he had to write a 50-page research paper to graduate. {think, George W. Bush at Yale} When I asked what Slacker was going to be writing about, Biff said he was hoping I could help him decide. I agreed to get together with Slacker to talk it over. When we met, Slacker brought a list of potential topics, a bottle of Johnnie Walker Blue Label and a note from Biff. I was pouring my third glass when I called Biff; I agreed to "research" the paper and "write a draft" for Slacker. The topic I chose was, "Will Democracy Survive In Russia?". Biff agreed to pay me $750, and five more bottles of scotch, for a paper that I guaranteed would get Slacker the B he needed. Within a week, Slacker delivered 15 books that I could use to research the paper. Two weeks later I delivered a 65-page "draft" to Slacker. {not including a cover page; where the name of the "author" had to appear} When I went to Slacker's graduation party, Biff had something for me. A case of scotch and another $750. Slacker received an A.

"No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power." -
P. J. O'Rourke

"53 of 1,000"
9 days {inclusive}

Train, Train...Hop Aboard

"A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education." - George Bernard Shaw

Every now and then, writing comments on someone else's post brings forth something bloggable.

Caution, Free Flowing Stream of Consciousness Area...

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NORML

{*} One day I went to the mall, there was a Burger King you could pass through to get into the mall. As I was leaving the "restaurant" there was a woman sitting in the last booth; she was holding a cigarette. "Do you have a light?" she asked. I stopped and asked, "You smoke and you don't have fire?" She said, "I just started smoking." Anxiously, she asked again. "Do you have a light?" Just to confirm, "You just started smoking cigarettes?" I'm an inquisitive sort, you see, wondering why this beautiful woman has decided to take up smoking cigarettes. "Yes," she said again. "Do you have a light?" It took me a few more seconds to process the information. "If you're going to smoke," I said. "Smoke pot." I walked off as she sat with her mouth open.

{*} I have a friend, CoolCat, who has moved several times over the years. So much so, I have had to devote a page of my address book to him. The first time I met his fiance, she was on her way out to work. Her parting words to him were to take care of the cat. There was an endtable between the two recliners we were sitting in. The cat sat on the table as we passed the bong back and forth...breathing deep. At one point, he was folloing the bong as it was passed and fell off the table.

{*} Have you ever gotten fish high? I'm an aquarium enthusiast, freshwater. One day I went to the petstore to buy a new fish; for some reason the guy asked what kind of fish I had. When I pointed to this one, and that one, this one down here and that one over there...he said, those fish aren't supposed to live together. Luckily, the fish didnt know. I came to find that if you sprinkle pot into the tank, the fish will eat it. Unlike fishfood, though, that they will eat until they die...they only eat as much pot as it takes for them to get high. You can tell...some stop swimming, seeming to hang in suspended animation, while others start chasing one another wildly.

{*} There was one place CoolCat lived that I just could not seem to find. So, I would get off the highway, stop at a supermarket and call him. He'd come to meet me and I'd follow him to the house. One snowy day I pulled into the plaza after driving a few hours...and smoking on the way. Before I walked around the car to the payphone, I gave the cardoor a push to get it out of the way of oncoming traffic. And I pushed just that much too hard...closing and locking the door. I didn't carry AAA in those days; I called the police to unlock the car. Never giving any thought to the mound of roaches sitting on the console. When the officer came he shined a flashlight into the car; which was odd since it was daylight. Then, he popped open the door, told me to travel safely and went on his way. I'm still trying to figure that one out.

{*} I went to see the Pirates one opening day at Three Rivers Stadium with TheSloth. Three Rivers had gates at certain areas that seperated the reserved seating area from general admission. There was a line of people going through; I prompted TheSloth to come with me jumping in at the end of the line. After checking the first few tickets, the usher waved the rest of us through. We picked a section along the third base line about halfway down toward the field. At one point, the usher came and chased off a few kids who didn't have tickets for the seats. I still can't figure out why, when a couple came who had tickets for our seats, that the usher didn't eject us. Especially since we moved closer to the field. The stadium filled, but nobody came with tickets for your seats. We had taken a bus to the game; neither of us wanting to drive there and we both wanted to drink at the game. TheSloth looked like his head was on a swivel going back and forth when I pulled out my bowl to fill it. After a couple bowls, we started hailing down food vendors. The woman sitting in front of us looked back everytime we smoked; as much as she could without turning her head. 8-) At one point, is there a common theme here?, my lighter died. It was about the seventh inning; I'd overpacked the bowl so we wouldn't need anymore. The woman's husband was smoking a cigar. I tapped him on the shoulder and asked for a light. When he lit the bowl I thought his wife was going to lose her mind...You lit that for them, she said. Why did you light that for them? After the game ended, I couldn't help but ask one of the people how much the seats cost. They were $20; we paid $5. The Pirates won; it was a good day.

{*} When I went to TheFatman's wedding, I took an ounce and a quarter ounce of coke. There were alot of fraternity brothers and little sisters there. I had moved temporarily to another state to do a consulting job; while I was there my driver's license expired. While I had a license plate from the state where I was living, I renewed my driver's license by mail with the address in the other state where I was living at the time. That way I didn't have to deal with taking a driver's test. Anoter issue was that I was focusing my attention on two specific clients. By the time I went to the wedding, I'd transitioned from one client to the other which required moving from one state to another. We hit the open bar liberally at the wedding reception; eventually I made my way to the car with one of the bridesmaids. It was a long night. The next morning when I left for hom, I didn't get far from the motel when I saw flashing red and blue lights in my rearview mirror. After the officer came and took my license back to the car, I looked over and saw coke all over the passenger seat. As I glanced into the mirror, I reached over, dabbing it up and rubbing it on my gums. I was well numbed when I looked again and saw him waving me back to the car. I didn't have any problem with my driving record, but he wanted to know the story with my license. I explained about the consulting assignment and that I was moving back there; I didn't see any reason to mention I was living then in a different state. When he took my contact information to write no the speeding ticker, I believe I gave him a portion of the address from one state and a portion from the other state. Nor purposefully, but due to the fact I'd had a few joints before leaving the motel that morning. Years later when I renewed my license, nothing was ever said. I'm not sure what happened with that ticket, but I know I never paid it.

{*} I had an English Composition class. The first time I went, when the professor was going over the sillybus she said that we never had to come to class. She didn't take attendance into account when she graded. If we missed handing in any assignments, we would get "0" and she didn't accept anything late. There was one paper that would account for 2/3 of the grade that was due at the end of the term. Come time to hand the paper in, I had no idea what I wanted to write about. I was playing Othello and smoking with one of my theatre friends. She had a lot of good ideas, being a very creative sort, but we didn't come up with anything I could write about. There was a 24 hour newsstand that had a couple dozen pinball machines a few blocks from school. We got in our call just before the pizza place stopped taking orders; being regular customers the guy didn't mind stopping at the bar next door to grab us a six pack. After dessert, I went to play pinball. It was an interesting place, you never knew when there might be a bum sleeping under the machines back in the corner. In those days, scoring a million points on a mchine was a big deal, and you racked up three free games when you turned the machine over. What a great sound it was when that hammer racked against the side of the machine --- pop pop pop. While I was playing, this guy walks over where my coat is sitting on the glass of the machine next to me. He asked if anyone was playing that machine. I told him I was and, dramatically, told him to get out of the way...that I couldn't see the machine. It was about that time when the machine went pop pop pop. I caught the ball on the flipper, and looked at the guy. He turned around, without saying a word, and walked out. I went back to school, went to the student lounge and wrote a paper about this experience. My friend was on her way to catch the shuttle to The Playhouse that morning; she stopped in to see that had happened to me after I left her. I was just finishing my paper; at just about nine o'clock when the class started. I was there when she walked in. I haned in my paper and left. I got an A for the class.

...Time for a snack. I'm thinking, flour tortilla with steak, cheddar cheese, lettuce, sour cream and peach salsa.

Photograph by Kilroy_60

"20 of 1,000"

HAPPY CINCO de MAYO!

Photograph by Kilroy_60

"You know that I could have me a million more friends and all I'd have to lose is my point of view..." - John Prine

It's another Tequila Sunrise! I've been making mine with Patron Anejo...

This makes looking at the news of the day much more palatable. Well, maybe after another glass or three might make things easier to swallow.

---> How did Howard Dean become Chairman of the Democratic National Committee? Is the plan to concede in November and cancel the Presidential election? Jeb's been sharpening his disaster recovery response in Florida. Following W to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue culd be the equivalent of taking on a job that makes cleaning up after Katrina look like a walk in the park. Sounds perfect for The First Brother. True, Al Gore DID win the majority of votes in the 2000 election, but can he be the best chance the Democrats have to regain The White House? John Kerry? Hillary Clinton? I'm not sure if it's the tequila or whether I need to spin up a few doobies of Acapulco Gold, but I can't get Howard Dean out of my mind.

Dean: 'I have all kinds of warts'

Scripting News, January, 2004

Let's see, how would the front running Democrat respond to finishing third in the Iowa Causus

"Not only are we going to New Hampshire. We're going to South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota and New Mexico, and we're going to California and Texas and New York. And we're going to South Dakota and Oregon and Washington and Michigan. And then we're going to Washington, D.C., to take back the White House. Yeah!!!!!!!!!!"

How might that SOUND?

Web Samples Dean Scream from NPR

Dean Scream Gaining Cult-like status On Web

Remixers Make Howard Dean's Scream Funky And Danceable

Defending Dean's Scream from CBS News

The LEADER of the Democratic Party...

From THE NEW REPUBLIC Online, April, 2006
HOWARD DEAN'S MESSIAH COMPLEX. Scream II