Sunday, October 29, 2006

Violating FAA Regulations

"After all, it's only a weed that turns to a flower in your mind." - Thomas Benton

Photograph by Kilroy_60

Setting aside creative types and athletes, it's amazing how many upstanding professionals smoke marijuana regularly. Those pillars of society held up as examples of what is right and good. People who, one way or another, hold our lives in their hands.

Gotta Light?

One morning when I was at UPM {State University of Pennsylvania - Monongahela} I got a fat bag of sinsemilla skunk buds. Once I cleaned my waterpipe and broke up a bud, I found that my lighter was dead. I looked high and low; there were no more lighters and no matches. I checked with the other brothers in the house; no fire.

I went into town and came back with a box of matchbooks and a small basket. I removed all the matches from the books and put them in the basket. Then after tearing off the strikers I began to glue them around the room; placing them all in places where they would be virtually invisible to the eye. When I was done there was not a place you could sit in the room where a striker would not be in reach. You might have to reach over to the side of the dresser, or the bottom of the deskchair leg, under the support beam of the bunkbed, or along the top edge of the desk. There was not a piece of furniture in the room that didn't have a striker attached at least one place; all out of view. You would not believe the looks on peoples' faces when I reached here and there striking matches.

I Don't Swim

One spring evening at Park College I went alone to a Pirates game. It was kind of chilly and there wasn't anyone who wanted to go with me. I smoked a couple joints and went on my way. A few innings into the game my buzz wore off. It wasn't a very good game, the Pirates were losing and I was short on cash. I decided to head back to school.

The bridge was deserted as I made my way across the Allegheny River back to Point State Park. I sensed something; there was someone walking behind me. I quickened my pace and felt they did as well. I had a bad feeling. In no time a guy walked up alongside me. After exchanging a few words, I was suddenly surrounded by four others...two with knives. I stopped and raised my hands to my sides as they started talking shit and going through my pockets. I took a quick look over my shoulder to see that the guy who had knelt behind me, in case I needed a push, was getting up.

They emptied my pockets and the leader asked how much money I had in my wallet. $14, I said. Truth be told, I had no idea. And, if I'd had $14 I would have rolled another joint, got a beer and still been at the game. The guy opened my wallet; he said I only had $9. This moment stands out as one of the clearest memories of my life. Along the rail of a bridge high above the Allegheny River, with two knives facing me and knowing I don't swim, I said, "I'm sorry. I'm under a lot of pressure here." With that, the guy took my money out of the wallet and handed it back to me. They took what was left of my 1/4 ounce and handed me back my papers. They walked away, back toward the stadium, saying something about seeing me another time and that I was the best person they'd had all night.

While I felt violated by the robbery, the thing that was most disturbing was that for a few weeks after that I didn't travel about the city as before. I still went out whatever time I felt like it and went wherever I wanted. But I looked over my shoulder. I crossed the street instead of walking by people. Thankfully, that soon faded and everything returned to normal.

Riding High

The Who got together for a reunion concert. I got tickets to go with five lady friends. Instead of hassling with the drive and the traffic, we decided to get a limo. We got together a couple hours before the show; everyone had a bag and the lady who hosted baked brownies and blondies. As the hour drew near for the car to arrive conversation turned to whether or not we'd be able to smoke in the car. I didn't say anything.

When the car arrived, while the ladies got their things together I went out to talk to the driver. I got in the frontseat and told him we wanted to make sure we knew "rules of the road". With that, I pulled a joint out of my pocket and lit it. I told him that the ladies had some concern about smoking in the car. He basically said that he didn't care what we did; as long as nobody stuck their head out the sunroof while we were driving down the road there shouldn't be any problem. That's the one thing that would cause the police to stop the car. I got out of the car as the ladies were coming to the car; five mouths hung open not knowing what to say.

Right On Time

I got tickets to see Ringo Starr his first time around with the All Starr Band. The woman I was dating at the time chose not to accompany me. I arranged a friend to go with me and set things up with another friend to get a bag for the show. {He was a prototypical Deadhead right up to the VW van}

The night of the concert I finished my last meeting, rode to the gas station where I arranged the pickup, after I waited for the guy and scored the bag, I made it back to the office where my friend had been waiting about 15 minutes, quickly changed clothes and we were off.

What he hadn't mentioned when he offered to drive was that he had a radiator leak. About halfway to the show the car overheated. He was prepared with jugs of water in the trunk. So, we smoked and waited. The concert was at an amphitheatre. We paid for parking near the pavillion. As we were driving to the lot, I found that I'd forgotten the tickets in my briefcase!

We made the round trip to and from the office, with two stops for the car overheating. We got to the show and took our seats just as Ringo and the band were coming out. "Sorry we're late..." they said. Perfect.

Don't Be A Pussy; Come With Us!

I traveled with two of my fraternity brothers from Pittsburgh to a regional event in Cleveland. We took a case of beer and a half ounce for the weekend.

At that time, the Standard Oil Company operated gas stations under the name Sohio. Every time we passed one of the "So-high-oh" signs, we each lit a fresh joint. Needless to say, a couple hours later when we arrived in Cleveland we were feeling no pain. We had an address and directions written by another brother just before he passed out following one of the weekly frat parties. In short, no real idea how to get to the house in Cleveland.

Sitting at a redlight without a soul in sight, the brother sitting in the passenger seat pointed us the wrong way down a one way street. What did I think, they asked me. I suggested lighting another joint. So, down the street we went...followed seconds later by flashing red and blue lights. "Hide the beer!" the brother who suggested the turn told me. My response was simple. "We're in a Honda; where do you propose I hide it?" The driver jumped out of the car telling the police officer how we were lost and asking if he could point us in the right direction. Amazingly, point us in the right direction was all he did. It turned out we were only blocks away.

Later in the night they had a roller skating at a nearby rink. Roller skating!! The two guys I was with went; I stayed, drank, smoked and fell asleep on a couch. Some hours later I was shaken awake, I looked up to see the navigator standing above me...with his arm in a sling. He'd broken it rollerskating.

Sign On The Dotted Line

I was consulting with a start-up company who provided resume writing and job search assistance services. I was responsible for getting two regions up and running that would include almost 30 offices. Along with recruiting, hiring and training two regional managers, I opened offices.

A fraternity brother was living in the area so I stayed with him while I did the job. We got up one morning and smoked three or four joints. That morning I had to go to an office that was only about 15 minutes away. It was opposite the flow of traffic so while there was practically a parkinglot going into the city everything was wide open going out.

I got to the office just a few mintues before the first client showed up. I arranged to rotate between clients and job applicants so I would have built in receruitment materials. The door opened and a state police officer walked in. I don't think the absolute panic I was feeling showed as I greeted him. An hour later he left after buying and paying in full for a $1,500 package. I used that sale to hire a regional manager and three office managers that day.

{One hand full is it for now.}


The Wandering Author said...

I had a friend who was a bit sheltered. One day, he and I were getting a ride home from some other friends. One of the guys mentioned he had a bag of weed, so my friend asked if he could see it.

He looked it all over, then said, "Could I have a little bit so I can take it home to show my Dad?" (His father was pretty intellectually curious, although I think that might have been stretching things a bit...) The poor guy driving almost went off the road!

writerwoman said...

The story about the robbery made me think. I wonder if the people who commit these crimes ever think about the long lasting effects they have on their victums? That would be some awful karma to have.

Glad to hear you got over it in time.


Anonymous said...

Golden Days

Annelisa said...

Wicked! :-)

Specially liked the match striker one, as being the kind of tricksterish thing I liked to have done as a youngster...[In school I alternated standing outside the Head's office for 'merits'/ 'commendations' and for punishment eked out for playing pranks! :-D]

bulletholes said...

Did you know that if you eat enough Mushrooms you don't even need a ticket for a Who Concert?
Did you know you should not put your stash in the Bank Deposit Bag... not even for a minute...

GrizzBabe said...

Five ladies? Kilroy, I never knew you were such a Casanova! Very funny story about the strikers. Necessity is the mother of invention.

Mohawk Chieftain said...

Why do I see this bear as saying, Blow it out yer ass! ??

honkeie said...

I cannt say I have stopped all of my illegeal medications but since I do it so infrequently the buzz is always great.